I'm running non stop

Sometimes I just get the feeling that hate is coursing through my veins.......reflections on my past mistakes......they just never seem to go away.....when you pride yourself with something........it just disappears.......leaving guilt, shame and blood.......I wonder.......will I be able to do better for everyone who is relying on me? Expectations? Then I see that vision again....alone.....and the place I thought I would find friends........turns out no one is my friend......looks like a destiny for me....alone, with only God's love and mercy against all challenges.....then I ask myself......will God leave me too? My mistakes and wrongdoings have made a shadow over my success.....this is it....my road..... where there is no one.....