I'm back! XD I will try to update more on this blog with......stuff =] it's been a long time. I'm now in college and moving on in all my areas. Now before I leave, one question : You demand moderation and critical thinking, but looking at you flip flop between your words, so lacking in faith, backtracking on all your beliefs aren't you just like the masses who are so easily lead ? I hope I learn to never be like you. (Absolutes again...sigh)

I'm shedding off the weight and pulling myself back from the quarters i've given. I'm bringing back my experiences and lessons and remixing them to prepare to let them out again. I cry as the day got worse. I laughed as i missed NS. I breathe as i read of my friends suffering with his family, wondering if there is a way to move him forward out of the darkness using lessons God gave me when i was in that same darkness. and then i just realized the only way to move him first.

I prayed.

came back from fast and prayer...lessons learnt on how to manage ayc teams: don't yell, respect control yourself and scout law number 9.

THANKS NICOLE LINN JOHN!!! you've been awesome help, patient leader and cool headed....sorry i'm not able to do much though.

holidays are here, and i'm saying what all adults say. "I wish i could enjoy long holidays like schoolkids". But guess what? I'm only 15 going on 16 next year. scouting will take up 50% of my hols, youth camp will take up 40%. leaving me with 10%, which is ....one week. WHat a sad holiday.

sigh....you know everyone.....if you're out there.....reading this.....you're not alone, you've got every reason to feel sad but no reason to continue.....can you? will you give in? listen to your heart beat and the smiles of everyone around you.....can you see it? you're not in resident evil.....you're in the real world....where you're given a blessing and a curse.....company.

fear you say? jumping up a fountain but not reaching like a salmon? jump harder.....know if it is touchable, it is reachable......

hate you say? can you live? you say it sustains you? it's eating you away....leaving nothing but ash on what you thought was you.....

be faithful.....my son.....for there is no great reward without even greater suffering

Finally jota over.....now sivik and rocket.....it's time to get busy
'A Thousand Suns' by Linkin Park ain't very good, sounds like they just made it for fun....

PMR 3days left.....

contrary to the title of this bloog....I haven't been running a lot.....which explains me getting fatter....

Sometimes I just get the feeling that hate is coursing through my veins.......reflections on my past mistakes......they just never seem to go away.....when you pride yourself with something........it just disappears.......leaving guilt, shame and blood.......I wonder.......will I be able to do better for everyone who is relying on me? Expectations? Then I see that vision again....alone.....and the place I thought I would find friends........turns out no one is my friend......looks like a destiny for me....alone, with only God's love and mercy against all challenges.....then I ask myself......will God leave me too? My mistakes and wrongdoings have made a shadow over my success.....this is it....my road..... where there is no one.....

Moving on now...

cross country: Beat my personal time (8km in 42 min.)

Scouts: doing great

ed board: Doing great too

Coop: Also great

I tend to think a lot these days, like merlin . Although I do prefer the M.K. Hume's version of King Arthur/Artor/Arotrex. Her version is more realistic, more life like. =]
Xiew May's the Assistant Company Leader now, hope she'll do well.
Missing out on fireBRANDS, gotta make a choice between them and scouts and everything else.
Geography's getting better, i can answer questions no sweat now =].
Found my old toy knife =].
Finished the counquerer series of Genghis Khan by Conn Igguldden. It's really good and something that tweaks your imagination.
More reading of sejarah [ I love it =] ]
Stress levels decreasing.
KK night coming.
Thank You..... You've done a lot but I've never appreciated it....forgive my iniquity....cos there's just too much.....

wow, so long didn't update and got people spamming my cbox d. but now i'm back and i'm ready to rock and roll. april came and went. i made myself a promise: to rewrite history. mr. Liang said never before an active scout has taken up the role of the editor but i'm gonna prove him wrong and when i succeed, there's the reward, so i'm going all out and i'm gonna surpass chern zhong in ed board. it's hard but i gotta do it. i've to prove a lot of people wrong this year, hope i can do it. may was stressful with folios and stuff and i've started practising for SMI mid years here d. june just arrived and mid year just passed...today i'm resting.....tomorrow....work time =]

wow it's been a long march. i quit and came back. thank God for those awesome guys at 7gtn. even though i let them down, they still called me back. thanks Chern Zhong, Ah Yang and all the other ventures who helped me through. thanks....

Ever wondered why things go awfully wrong when they seem so right?

Scouting is one of the best things that happened to me...

Was it real?
Of course it was

Why do I feel so alone?
Stop pushing people away

I had someone to talk to but she was taken out of my life.
It's just hard to accept it now

I've fallen
Get up

I made the wrong choice
You just haven't got used to it

There's so many things i wish i didn't do
Too late for regrets, move on

Am i loved?
You are you just don't accept it

Thank you Jesus, for the Holy Spirit....

It comes with a heavy price.....

I'm back from jamboree.those few days were very fun. I got tomeet new people, swap badges and other stuff.will explain more later.photos on facebook......

I guess I'm going crazy.I don't know why it just came to my head.I wake up every night to a darkness.I sleep to a nightmare of a ghost.Wake up every morning to hear not a greeting but a command. can't even get though 1/4 of my horlicks and I'm interupted. I'm changing not just physically, but mentally.I'm no longer mentally hinged.Am i rising too fast in position?Am i good enough to live up to everyone's expectations?Am i just trying to do everything by myself that in the process i've pushed away every one that cares for me and become the thing i've most feared-a burntout boy?.................................BUT I CAN'T BURN OUT, NEVER! THERE'S SO MANY THINGS TO DO AND EVERY ONE'S RELYING ON ME! THE WORLD OUT THERE NEEDS SOMEONE TO HELP IT! I'VE GOT TO DO IT! I CAN DO IT! I WILL DO IT!!! WATCH OUT SATAN!! SOMEDAY I'LL ....NO WAIT I HAVE ALREADY BEEN BROKEN FROM CHAINS OF DESPAIR! AND I'M GOING TO TAKE THE GOSPEL TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH AND SHOW THE PEOPLE AND TELL THEM ABOUT JESUS!!!




[if you want to comment on this post, fell free to do so. getting an opinion from others is always good for me...]

currently excited about youth camp
bored about math
exhausted about making stupid vids with my cuz
disappointed about my under-performance in pl-ship and lcd-ing
anxious about apr jamboree
suspense-ed about creative workshop[we get to wear tuxedos hehe]
that's all bbye...

I think I'm becoming a workaholic, without things to do for the day, it feels like i'm wasting my holidays . I need something to do!!!!!I've got nothing to do!!!!!every second brings me closer to school!!!!!!